Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
