What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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