the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
