One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
