How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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