seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
