my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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