By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
