They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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