Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
