And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
