Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
