I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
