btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
