before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
