Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
