why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
