We won't sleep together?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
