I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
