I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize