I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
