I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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