I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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