"it" just moved
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
