we have officially lost it.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
