umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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