Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You are the jesus of drinking
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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