After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
