I feel great
I just peed on a car
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
