we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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