so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
