benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
