So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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