So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
