Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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