grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
