I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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