I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
