the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
