Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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