mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
