come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
