she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
