He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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