it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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