If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
