apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
