Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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