This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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