I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
